We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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