toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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