My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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