yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
