So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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