she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
