Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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