we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
