Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
