My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize