Nicole vs. Life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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