I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
