Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
