Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
