I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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