Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
