Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
