I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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