I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
