Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
