Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
