Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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