i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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