i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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