help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
