I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
