He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
