We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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