i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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