is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
