Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
