i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
