Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i drank out of a bidet.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
