I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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