i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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