No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
