is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
