my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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