I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
