so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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