Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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