I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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