The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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