btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
