we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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