i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
