Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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