I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
