nut hugger
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
