im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
