You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
