dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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