i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
