The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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