so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize