I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Damn victory sex feels great
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
