careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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