guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
