Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
