Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
