I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
