Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
