mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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