she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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