I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
