I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
