you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
