It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
