also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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