we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
