I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
