OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
