There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
