I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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