Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
