im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
