Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
