Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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