He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the condom got lost in my hair
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
