I wish you could order shots online.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
