seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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