smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize