It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
