my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
