the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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