you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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