sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
