chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
