Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize