i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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