And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize